moments of panic

In a horrible golf course restaurant/bar, surrounded by coworkers at a going away party for my boss. How someone who goes to punk shows smokes herb and drinks whiskey can be sitting here with these people, acting normal, blows my mind. How did I end up here? In a long sleeved shirt that covers my tattoos, pretending to be interested. I end up frantically text messaging friends, drinking more whiskey, my mind is starting to race but i don't know why. Am I having an anxiety attack? I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. The person I hate at the office, the other designer, who sits in my office and i never talk to because I obviously hate him, pulls his classic move at these functions.
sits by me, pretends we're friends suddenly and won't shut up.
inevitably he will bring up the fact that he is the reason i got the job, that he said they should hire me because of my portfolio. awesome, I don't care. Why he suddenly gets the urge to talk to me and talk to me at these functions is beyond me.

Smoke 3 cigarettes even though I have a cold.

find an excuse to get out, get home, hug my dog, smoke a bowl. I need to get out of this fucked up corporate world.